DNF Review: House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Title: House of Earth and Blood (Crescent City #1) 
Author: Sarah J. Maas
Publication Date: March 3, 2020
Publisher: Bloomsbury
Pages: 816
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Bound by blood.
Tempted by desire.
Unleashed by destiny.

Bryce Quinlan had the perfect life—working hard all day and partying all night—until a demon murdered her closest friends, leaving her bereft, wounded, and alone. When the accused is behind bars but the crimes start up again, Bryce finds herself at the heart of the investigation. She’ll do whatever it takes to avenge their deaths.

Hunt Athalar is a notorious Fallen angel, now enslaved to the Archangels he once attempted to overthrow. His brutal skills and incredible strength have been set to one purpose—to assassinate his boss’s enemies, no questions asked. But with a demon wreaking havoc in the city, he’s offered an irresistible deal: help Bryce find the murderer, and his freedom will be within reach.

As Bryce and Hunt dig deep into Crescent City’s underbelly, they discover a dark power that threatens everything and everyone they hold dear, and they find, in each other, a blazing passion—one that could set them both free, if they’d only let it.

Well, this is awkward. I guess it's time for my first unpopular opinion review of 2020! I'm not Sarah J. Maas's biggest fan, but A Court of Thorns and Roses is (embarrassingly) one of my favorite books. I didn't enjoy the way that series ended, but the first book is one I've read over and over. I've also been reading the Throne of Glass series and have been mostly enjoying it, so I was hesitantly excited for Crescent City.

To start, why in the world is the series name the biggest thing on the cover? Why doesn't the title of the book look like the title of the book? I haven't heard a single person call this House of Earth and Blood. But I digress.

Let's dive into this 800+ page "adult" urban fantasy novel that is holding out at 4.47 stars on Goodreads as of this review being written. I didn't really know what I was getting into with this book, but I certainly wasn't expecting to be completely overwhelmed by swearing as soon as it began. It's as if Sarah J. Maas decided all she needed to make a book adult was an F-bomb every third sentence. And I'm not exaggerating. Fun fact(s) about me: I am an Air Force veteran who spent time in Afghanistan and I'm married to a sailor. I am no stranger to swearing and honestly have quite the vocabulary in the comfort of my home, but this book was extremely excessive for no good reason. There was no point in the amount of cussing shoehorned into Crescent City. It didn't add anything and came off as extremely unnatural and it took me a long while to get used to it. So that was strike one.

Have I mentioned that this book rings in at over 800 pages? For a first book in a series, that's quite a lot. In the past SJM series have begun relatively short and got longer as they went. This worked because the reader (me) had time to get invested in the characters before diving into such a massive book. There was plenty of time to get the backstory and the world building. For whatever reason, this time she dove right in with 800 pages and, let me tell you, not much happens at least for the first 300 of them, which is where I gave up. There's an awful lot of info dumping and characters being sad and talking about how gorgeous everyone is, but not much story to actually care about.

Speaking of the characters, Bryce Quinlan has red hair. I just need everyone to know that because all I got from the 300 pages I read was that she has red hair, nice legs, and likes pink underwear. Oh, and she hates "alphaholes" even though they're the only "males" she seems to be attracted to. Yes, despite all the criticism SJM has received for using the terms "male" and "female" in both her previous series, she still does it here and it's cringe.

Hunt Athalar, said alphahole, is Rhysand but worse, at least from what I've seen so far. Where Rhysand was at least "woke" and "feminist," Hunt is judgmental and overbearing. He has big wings and super strong powers. As much as I love Rhysand (and Rowan is growing on me, I guess), I felt nothing for Hunt at all. I'm not sure at what point there's supposed to be any chemistry whatsoever between Bryce and Hunt, but by page 300 there was nothing.

I know everyone and their brother loves this book, but I just could not get into it. The world building was so info dumped I couldn't tell you anything about it outside of the places Bryce visits and I literally couldn't care less about the characters. There's also kind of a murder mystery, but I didn't care enough about the characters to care about their motivations. I wanted to love this SO much, but it just was not for me. I was repeatedly told that it picks up 200 pages from the end, but no one should have to invest in reading 600 pages of an 800 page book for it to get good.

DNF Audiobook Review: Soundless by Richelle Mead

Title: Soundless
Author: Richelle Mead
Publication Date: November 10, 2015
Publisher: Razorbill
Pages: 266
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In a village without sound…

For as long as Fei can remember, no one in her village has been able to hear. Rocky terrain and frequent avalanches make it impossible to leave the village, so Fei and her people are at the mercy of a zipline that carries food up the treacherous cliffs from Beiguo, a mysterious faraway kingdom.

When villagers begin to lose their sight, deliveries from the zipline shrink. Many go hungry. Fei and all the people she loves are plunged into crisis, with nothing to look forward to but darkness and starvation.

One girl hears a call to action…

Until one night, Fei is awoken by a searing noise. Sound becomes her weapon.

She sets out to uncover what’s happened to her and to fight the dangers threatening her village. A handsome miner with a revolutionary spirit accompanies Fei on her quest, bringing with him new risks and the possibility of romance. They embark on a majestic journey from the peak of their jagged mountain village to the valley of Beiguo, where a startling truth will change their lives forever…

And unlocks a power that will save her people. 

Fei lives in a dangerous world. Everyone in her village is deaf, and living on a rocky mountainside prevents them from getting supplies. They rely on a zipline to bring them food and supplies from a nearby village. But when the villagers also begin to lose their sight, they fear they will no longer be able to produce goods to trade for the food they need to survive. One day, Fei is awoken by a sound. Suddenly she is able to hear, and she may now be the only one who can save her village.

Ugh. This book could have been so amazing, but it fell so, so flat. Before its release, Soundless was hailed as a unique standalone novel steeped in Asian culture and mythology. Add in the fact that it is about an entire village of people who have lost the ability to hear (and later see), and you have a novel that sounds absolutely fantastic and inclusive. Well, that is unfortunately not the case. I only listened to about one third of Soundless, but from other reviews I have seen, I feel that my analysis of this book is still accurate.

First of all, with the exception of the character names, there is absolutely no indication of Asian culture in this book. (I believe it is supposed to occur in China, but I am not positive.) Replace the names and this story could have occurred anywhere in the world. This was such a disservice to Asian mythology and culture, which is vibrant, unique, and so interesting. This was a lost opportunity to explore a culture that is not displayed nearly enough in our current young adult literature.

Another disappointment in Soundless was the way that hearing and sight impairment were handled. Firstly, there was no description of how the villagers learned to alter their daily lives to adjust for their hearing and sight. Typically, those with one sense impaired learn to rely more heavily on the other senses, but there was no description of this in the book. The most disheartening thing was that Fei regained her hearing and was therefore able to save the village. Why did she have to get "fixed" to be our heroine? Again, a huge opportunity for inclusivity was lost with this plot line.

In addition to these huge slights, the writing was also poor and the world was undeveloped. The society is divided into three groups - artists, suppliers, and miners. What type of society could possibly survive with only those jobs? There was no explanation of why these social groups were created or how they managed to keep the village running. Also, how did this village get so separated from society? When they started losing their hearing, why didn't they travel down the mountain while it was still safe to get help? Why don't the people at the bottom of the mountain help them? There were so many unanswered questions and so many plot points that didn't make sense.

Typically when an audiobook is short enough, I will listen to the entire book instead of giving up. Soundless was very short, but I just could not continue reading. There were too many problems with this book and it was too boring to push forward. After my experience with this book, it may be a while before I try Richelle Mead again.

Audiobook Review: Under the Never Sky by Veronica Rossi

Title: Under the Never Sky (Under the Never Sky #1)
Author: Veronica Rossi
Narrator: Bernadette Dunne Flagler
Publication Date: December 1, 2011
Publisher: HarperCollins
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Since she'd been on the outside, she'd survived an Aether storm, she'd had a knife held to her throat, and she'd seen men murdered.

This was worse.

Exiled from her home, the enclosed city of Reverie, Aria knows her chances of surviving in the outer wasteland--known as The Death Shop--are slim. If the cannibals don't get her, the violent, electrified energy storms will. She's been taught that the very air she breathes can kill her. Then Aria meets an Outsider named Perry. He's wild--a savage--and her only hope of staying alive.

A hunter for his tribe in a merciless landscape, Perry views Aria as sheltered and fragile--everything he would expect from a Dweller. But he needs Aria's help too; she alone holds the key to his redemption. Opposites in nearly every way, Aria and Perry must accept each other to survive. Their unlikely alliance forges a bond that will determine the fate of all who live under the never sky.

Alright, I promised Tracy that I would never write a review on here that was just nonstop ranting about a book. So I will write a few paragraphs of well-thought out, critical review, but I will definitely be leaving myself a little bit of time for ranting at the end.

Under the Never Sky takes place in what I am assuming is our future, during a time when dangerous Aether storms make it dangerous to live outdoors. Most humans have retreated into "pods," where they waste their days using a device called Smarteyes to enter the Realms  (aka: The Matrix). Aria is a pod-dweller who has lost contact with her mother. In a desperate attempt to communicate with her again, Aria enlists the help of Soren (a complete and total JERK) and, when things go very, very wrong, she finds herself kicked out of the pods and forced to live outside. Some humans still survive in the wilderness, however, and Aria soon meets Perry, the boy who could be her salvation...or her destruction.

First of all, I really don't recommend the audiobook version of Under the Never Sky. The narrator was completely awful. Every chapter told from Perry's point of view was told in a weird husky voice that was incredibly distracting. But honestly, I don't really recommend this book as a whole, either. I had a lot of issues with this book, primarily with the world building, pacing, and character development.

Let's dig into the world building first. Pod life could have been so interesting to learn about, but few details were given and the ones that were didn't make a ton of sense. There were so many really cool technological developments, but nothing was explained. I would have also really appreciated a little bit of history about when the Aether storms started and the humans retreated into pod life. Even just a page or two of explanation here or there would have made such a difference and let me get more immersed in the story. Something that was also incredibly confusing was the fact that some Outsiders are Seers. However, Seers in this story are people with a heightened sense of sight. Seer is not used in the traditional sense, like it is in every other piece of literature you've ever read. The main problem is that this wasn't explained until the 50% mark! I read half the book thinking characters were doing something different! If you are going to use a word and give it a meaning other than its traditional one, you NEED to explain that before the halfway point of the book!

I found the pacing to be incredibly off in Under the Never Sky as well. The story started out with an action-packed scene and then NOTHING HAPPENED FOR HUNDREDS OF PAGES. There was a little bit of excitement around the 70% mark and then, once again, nothing happened. I felt like I spent hours of my life just watching Perry and Aria wander around the wilderness. Pages and pages and pages of no action or plot development to speak of. I was so bored during most of this book.

The characters also left a lot to be desired. Aria was so mind-numbingly STUPID. Her idiocy was so distracting that I honestly can't even think of any other characteristics of her character. All I know is that she smells like violets. Which leads us to Perry and his super-sniffer. Perry has superhuman smell, to the point where he can smell a person's emotions. These powers are once again not really explained and don't make much sense. But if I had to hear Perry talking about how Aria smelled like violets ONE MORE TIME, I was going to have to throw my phone out the window. I get it, smell is very important to him. But FIND A DIFFERENT WAY TO DESCRIBE HER. Using the same descriptors on every other page is sloppy and uncreative writing.

Ok, can I rant now? Can I, can I, can I?????? (I will not be offended if you choose to skip over the rant and head straight to my conclusion. Although, you could be in for a good laugh...)

*cracks knuckles*

Let's do this...

The first issue I encountered with Under the Never Sky is the sheer stupidity of Aria and all pod dwellers. The book opens with a bunch of teenagers deciding to disable their Smarteyes for the night. They are all so mystified by everything they are seeing in real life for the first time. They've seen fruit in the realms, but now they are seeing it growing for real in their greenhouses. The thing that bothers me about this is the the Smarteyes only cover their left eye. So why have none of these people ever just USED THEIR RIGHT EYE TO LOOK AROUND???? And before you try to convince me that the smart eyes tap into their brains, therefore providing them with a fully-immersive 4D experience...there is a scene where someone tries on a Smarteye and can see the Realms and the room they are sitting in. So I don't want to hear it.

Back to Perry the super-sniffer. There is a scene where Aria gets her first period ever (at 17) and Perry has to explain what it is to her. And the reason he realizes that she has her period is because she starts smelling like violets. SERIOUSLY???? I want to live in a future where periods smell like violets because that could not be farther from the truth in our world. Aria is shocked and disgusted that she has her period because in pod life all babies are created in a lab, therefore eliminating the need for menstruation. BUT HOW? You can't just DECIDE you don't need periods anymore and get rid of them. This is just another aspect of pod life that is never explained and infuriates me.

Finally, let us discuss the 42,678,392 instances of cliches and tropes used in this book. I don't want to give a lot away, but trust me, they're there. OF COURSE Perry just happens to be the only Outsider who has his special type of superpower. OF COURSE the people with Perry's superpower just happen to be more handsome than everyone else.

OF.

COURSE.

There are a ton of more trope-y things that happen in this book, but I really don't want to spoil anything.

Alright, I need to stop now. I think I've said my peace and it's time for me to stop ranting. I know a lot of people really adore this series, and I do apologize if it is one of your favorites. I give you permission to tear one of my favorites to shreds. As you can see, I had a lot of issues with this book, and I can say with absolute certainty that I will not be spending my time continuing on with the series.

Man, that was a lot of fun to write...

Book review: Glass Sword by Victoria Aveyard

Title: Glass Sword (Red Queen #2) 
Author: Victoria Aveyard
Publication Date: February 9, 2016
Publisher: HarperTeen
Pages: 444
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Reviews for book 1 & book 3

If there’s one thing Mare Barrow knows, it’s that she’s different.

Mare Barrow’s blood is red—the color of common folk—but her Silver ability, the power to control lightning, has turned her into a weapon that the royal court tries to control.

The crown calls her an impossibility, a fake, but as she makes her escape from Maven, the prince—the friend—who betrayed her, Mare uncovers something startling: she is not the only one of her kind.

Pursued by Maven, now a vindictive king, Mare sets out to find and recruit other Red-and-Silver fighters to join in the struggle against her oppressors.

But Mare finds herself on a deadly path, at risk of becoming exactly the kind of monster she is trying to defeat.

Will she shatter under the weight of the lives that are the cost of rebellion? Or have treachery and betrayal hardened her forever?

The electrifying next installment in the Red Queen series escalates the struggle between the growing rebel army and the blood-segregated world they’ve always known—and pits Mare against the darkness that has grown in her soul.

Well... wow. That was honestly one of the most disappointing sequels I have ever read, ever. I would like to begin this review with a visual representation of my reading experience:

So, yeah. That basically sums it up. I began this book almost immediately after it was released. I read just under 200 pages before putting it down. Over the months I tried a few times to read more because, well, EVERYONE loves this book and I was determined to finish it! Finally in September I got the audiobook from the library and swore to see it through. I did. I'm going to try my damndest to write this review but I obviously don't remember much from the first half so bear with me.

Glass Sword picks up immediately after Red Queen, that much I do know. Almost this entire book consists of Mare, Cal, and Co. on the run from Maven and in search of New Bloods who also have super cool powers because of reasons. It. Is. Boring. They run a bit, they find a New Blood, they convince him or her to join them, Maven almost catches up. Rinse and repeat. Over and over and over. Glass Sword is all about repetition. A few exciting things do happen here and there, but they are so few and far between that this book just drags.

Honestly, I don't know what happened between Red Queen and this. Red Queen was not entirely original (I don't think anyone is arguing that at this point) but it was fun. It was an exciting first book and there was constantly new information being revealed to keep things moving along. I enjoyed it and the ending was such a huge twist that it pretty much made me forget the problems I had with the first 95%, but that didn't happen here. My biggest problem is that Red Queen Mare was tolerable and even enjoyable, while Glass Sword Mare is a totally different human.

"Only despair drowns out my rage."
- Mare Barrow

This quote perfectly sums up Glass Sword Mare. Literally all she does in this entire 444 page book is whine about how horrible her life is and, when she isn't doing that, she is constantly mad and bitching about everything and at everyone. She is rude, annoying, and thinks that she's God's gift to the planet. Her power gives her a major god-complex and makes her completely unbearable. There are very few characters that make me want to throw a book (or audio device) across the room, but Mare has done it. Put simply, I can't stand her.

The only thing I really liked about this book were some of the other characters. I enjoyed Cal and found him to be the sensible one throughout pretty much everything. Obviously I really liked Shade also and wish so much that there was more of the two of these characters to drown out Mare's incessant moaning. I also found Farley to be mostly tolerable. That's about the best I can say...

Not even the ending of Glass Sword could save it from itself. (I actually had to just think about it for awhile to remember what happened and I just finished this book.) Other reviewers have talked about what an amazing cliffhanger the ending was and how it came out of nowhere but I really didn't see it that way. It certainly hasn't inspired me to read the next book. I won't be continuing the Red Queen series (apparently it's 4 books now?), which is so disappointing after investing so much time in a series.

DNF Review: The Crown by Kiera Cass

Title: The Crown (The Selection #5)
Author: Kiera Cass
Publication Date: May 3, 2016
Publisher: HarperTeen
Pages: 279
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Reviews for book 1, book 2, book 3, & book 4

When Eadlyn became the first princess of Illéa to hold her own Selection, she didn’t think she would fall in love with any of her thirty-five suitors. She spent the first few weeks of the competition counting down the days until she could send them all home. But as events at the palace force Eadlyn even further into the spotlight, she realizes that she might not be content remaining alone.

Eadlyn still isn’t sure she’ll find the fairytale ending her parents did twenty years ago. But sometimes the heart has a way of surprising you…and soon Eadlyn must make a choice that feels more impossible—and more important—than she ever imagined.

Before I begin this review I want to say I was totally in love with the original Selection trilogy. Sure, it was mostly romantic fluff, but it was really enjoyable fluff. I was excited when Cass released The Heir. I bought it as soon as it was released and took it on a Caribbean cruise as reading material, but was totally and completely let down by it. I hated Eadlyn and I didn't understand the need for her story in the first place. Maybe you're wondering why I even bothered to review this book if I hated book four so much. In the past I have even discussed why I hate when people review books they don't expect to enjoy. But here's the thing: I wanted this final book to redeem the previous one. I wanted Kiera Cass to change my mind about Eadlyn and blow me away with the last bit of her story, but that did not happen here. In fact, I finally gave up at 50% of the way through.

The Crown picks up immediately after The Heir left off, with America in the hospital and Eadlyn trying to hold everything else together (for some reason). She has let go of several of the boys, directly mirroring the original trilogy, and is insistent upon choosing one of the remaining boys to marry. I will go ahead and tell you there is nothing about this book that I found redeeming (which is obviously why I decided not to continue reading it) so I'm not going to try to sugar coat this review. I actually had a long list of quotes and notes, but I accidentally deleted it, so whoops. I'm just going to wing it!

As with The Heir, there is absolutely no world building to speak of in this book. None. All of the characters remained within the castle walls at all times and honestly I didn't even feel like I could picture any of the rooms in the castle, which is really saying something. I should be able to picture every single nook and cranny of that castle if it's the only location I've seen for two books. Even worse than the lack of a proper world, though, is that these two books are really completely uneccessary. They are literally just The Selection series but with some details tweaked - right down to Eadlyn choosing an Elite to speed things along.

But my absolute biggest issue with these two books remains Eadlyn herself. I couldn't stand her. After The Heir, a lot of people wanted to talk about how Eadlyn had changed, had grown up, become selfless. I don't know what book they were reading, but I must have gotten a defective copy. My Eadlyn was a selfish bitch, at least through the 50% of the book that I made it through. And the thing about it is, I'm not the only one that hates Eadlyn - her entire country hates her too. She cannot figure out why everyone hates her. Part of the problem is that every single person surrounding her is constantly telling her how perfect and amazing and gorgeous and powerful she is. Maybe if someone would knock her down off her high horse, she might actually get a clue.

Other random things that irritated me about The Crown:

• Why is the cover model's dress so big? She's swimming in it. Could they not afford a tailor? In a series that is known for its gorgeous covers, I was really surprised by this. 
• Am I to believe that the QUEEN cannot recover from a heart attack (which she had at age 30-something, by the way) in her own rooms? They couldn't roll all their equipment down the hall so she could be comfortable? So the KING could be comfortable instead of sleeping in a chair? 
• Similarly, the princess/regent doesn't have a nighttime maid who could go get her some coffee? The regent of a country has to go down to the kitchen and make her own coffee?? And I mean, I get it if she wanted to get her own coffee, but she specifically says there's no one who can get it for her because it's nighttime. Give me a freaking break. 
• Am I the only one who thought Kiera Cass made Henri seem like a total moron? I get it. The kid is from another country and doesn't speak English. (Honestly, it's a little unbelievable that someone who was entering this kind of competition wouldn't speak English to begin with, but whatever.) I pictured him as an idiot because that's how he was written. Not speaking a foreign language doesn't make a person dumb. :/ 
• Since when can a king just decide to stop being king and hand things over to his kid because he's tired of the job? Isn't Queen Elizabeth like, 90 or something now? Why doesn't she just retire and hand things over to Prince Charles? 
• The ending. Yes, I asked my friend to spoil it for me and just... what? This seems like a decision that was made solely for shock value. Did Kiera Cass decide this person would win while she was writing this book? Because nothing in The Heir pointed to this. 

In case there was still any doubt in your mind, I hated this book. I hoped for redemption from the final book in this never ending series, but I didn't get it. I don't know what happened to Kiera Cass after The One was written. A friend suggested that perhaps she had been kidnapped and someone was writing in her name. That's the only thing that makes sense, really. Do I still recommend The Selection series? Yes, but stop at book three. 

Audiobook Review: The Glittering Court by Richelle Mead

Title: The Glittering Court (The Glittering Court #1) 
Author: Richelle Mead
Narrator: Kristen Sieh
Publication Date: April 5, 2016
Publisher: Razorbill
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Big and sweeping, spanning from the refined palaces of Osfrid to the gold dust and untamed forests of Adoria, The Glittering Court tells the story of Adelaide, an Osfridian countess who poses as her servant to escape an arranged marriage and start a new life in Adoria, the New World. But to do that, she must join the Glittering Court.

Both a school and a business venture, the Glittering Court is designed to transform impoverished girls into upper-class ladies who appear destined for powerful and wealthy marriages in the New World. Adelaide naturally excels in her training, and even makes a few friends: the fiery former laundress Tamsin and the beautiful Sirminican refugee Mira. She manages to keep her true identity hidden from all but one: the intriguing Cedric Thorn, son of the wealthy proprietor of the Glittering Court.

When Adelaide discovers that Cedric is hiding a dangerous secret of his own, together they hatch a scheme to make the best of Adelaide’s deception. Complications soon arise—first as they cross the treacherous seas from Osfrid to Adoria, and then when Adelaide catches the attention of a powerful governor.

But no complication will prove quite as daunting as the potent attraction simmering between Adelaide and Cedric. An attraction that, if acted on, would scandalize the Glittering Court and make them both outcasts in wild, vastly uncharted lands…

Wow. Okay, full disclosure - I almost DNF'd this book several times and only decided to finish it so my review would be fully informed. Basically I wanted to make sure I wasn't complaining about things that were later worked out. There are so many things wrong with this book I don't even know where to begin, but I'll try to make a coherent review out of this.

The Glittering Court is a book that is trying to be way too many things all at once. Someone (the author? the publisher?) saw fit to market this book as fantasy for some reason I can't quite figure out. The best way I can describe this book is historical fiction with lots of name swaps. The setting varies from 19th century England Osfrid to the American Frontier Adoria, where they are literally mining for gold. This book has it all! English(ish) nobility, pirates, Native Americans Icori "savages," and Pagans Alanzan heretics.

To be honest, The Glittering Court seems like (at least) two books crammed into one, although neither quite works for me. The first half is about Elizabeth's Adelaide's desperate flight from an arranged marriage... into another arranged marriage where she will actually be sold to the highest bidder. Um... what? So anyway, Adelaide runs away to The Glittering Court where she will (pretend to) learn to be a lady in order to gain passage to the New World for... reasons. Fast forward eight months and she's on her way! Then the whole story spirals into a Wild Wild West story complete with cowboys and Indians. But, wait! There's more! Every time this book seems like it might be over, it keeps going. Seriously, this book has more endings than The Lord of the Rings.

The Glittering Court made no sense at all and left me with more questions than answers. Here are a few: 

• HOW did no one find Elizabeth/Adelaide?? She was an extremely well-known, influential member of high society in a time period when pictures existed. And NO ONE thought to look in a house full of girls her age that her maid had a connection to? 
• Better yet, how was this not in every newspaper? How did no one at The Glittering Court know about this? Much suspension of disbelief is needed. 
• Why in the hell would Adelaide run away from an arranged marriage into an arrangement where she would basically be sold to the man with the most money? What exactly was Richelle Mead's thought process when she came up with this plot? 
• How exactly did this "romance" with Cedric even happen? Maybe this would have been better explained had eight months of their story not been jumped over, but I did not buy it at all. They go from acquaintances to in love with next to no explanation. 
• What was the point of the Alanzan religion? It seemed like it was thrown together last minute for added drama. 
• Is what Tamsin has at stake really that big of a secret? Are there people who didn't figure this out immediately? 

This brings me to the actual ending of The Glittering Court, also known as the most glaring example of deus ex machina I have ever seen in my reading life. Just... wow. Dear authors everywhere, bringing in a random character who has never appeared in the story to save the day is extremely lazy writing and your readers are not fooled. 

I haven't even gotten into the blatant sexism and racism in this book, or the fact that the secondary characters are infinitely more interesting than Adelaide is. I could honestly go on and on with the problems I found with The Glittering Court, but I'll leave it at that. I wanted to enjoy this book so much. Unfortunately, my first Richelle Mead book is definitely going to be my last. 

Audiobook Review: Unravel Me by Tahereh Mafi

Title: Unravel Me (Shatter Me #2)
Author: Tahereh Mafi
Narrator: Kate Simses
Publication Date: February 5, 2013
Publisher: HarperCollins
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Review for book 1

tick
tick
tick
tick
tick
it's almost
time for war.

Juliette has escaped to Omega Point. It is a place for people like her—people with gifts—and it is also the headquarters of the rebel resistance.

She's finally free from The Reestablishment, free from their plan to use her as a weapon, and free to love Adam. But Juliette will never be free from her lethal touch.

Or from Warner, who wants Juliette more than she ever thought possible.

In this exhilarating sequel to Shatter Me, Juliette has to make life-changing decisions between what she wants and what she thinks is right. Decisions that might involve choosing between her heart—and Adam's life. 

"It will get better," they said. "Warner is worth it," they said. "Juliette grows as a character," they said. They LIED.

I finished Shatter Me, considered for a few hours, and then got Unravel Me later that night because I really just wanted to know how the whole thing with Warner worked out. I was curious. I love a good villain and I needed to find out how he could become a love interest. Then Unravel Me finally ended and I was rooting for Juliette to hurry the hell up and die. To be honest, this was the first book that has ever made me regret keeping my reviews PG-13. There were many, many choice words I would love to say. For your sake, I'll try to keep it clean.

Unravel Me picks up shortly after book one left off, with Juliette and Adam at Omega Point trying to fit in with the other gifted people. Well, sort of. Mostly it's just Juliette and Adam making out and making huge scenes in public. But whatever. Throughout this book Juliette is attempting to discover more about her gift and what its properties are. She discovers that her super strength is pretty freaking super and attempts (poorly) to learn to control it. Mostly, though, Juliette spends the entire second book being a miserable human being.

Juliette is literally the worst heroine I've ever read about, which is saying a lot because I have absolutely hated some others. She is incredibly selfish and, despite trying to act like she gives a crap about other people, actually only cares about ALL HER FEELS and getting in the most make out sessions with as many people as possible. World needs saving? Make out. Friend is dying in another room? Better make out. When Juliette wasn't making out, she was crying, shaking, forgetting how to breathe, or counting something. She was literally useless.

Then there's Adam. Not quite as useless as Juliette, he's basically Bella from New Moon. He spends this book being pissed off or depressed, fighting or wanting to fight people, and begging Juliette not to leave him. The plot surrounding Adam in this book was one of the dumbest things I have ever seen in a book. (Guys, I am trying SO hard to keep this clean for you!) Remember back in Shatter Me when Juliette and Adam spent all night sleeping, cuddled in each others arms? Remember?? Their skin was touching all night long while they were ASLEEP? Well, just forget all of that because the author needs a convenient reason for them to break up so Juliette and Warner can be together!

Speaking of Warner, he is the least worthless of these three characters, although he still wasn't the incredible villain love interest I was promised. Yes, he has a tragic backstory. Yes, he calls Juliette "Luv" a lot. Yes, he has green eyes. That's about where it ends. I don't get it. I don't get why he's so swoon-worthy to every other person who has read this book. Despite his Big Bad status, Warner is weak and apparently "he's in love with [Juliette]" almost immediately for some reason. (WHY does everyone love Juliette??)

Kenji was honestly the only character in this book who I cared about at all. I mean, seriously, even the 10 year old brother got on my nerves. But Kenji seemed like a normal human being with normal human emotions and priorities.

I don't even have anything to really say about the plot of this book other than that it was worthless. I said it in my review of book one and I'll say it again: this is not a dystopian novel. This is crappy romance disguised as dystopia. There is zero world building and I give zero cares (I'm trying) about whether or not the world even survives. Honestly, just blow the whole thing up.

And who could forget about the writing? It is just as ridiculous in Unravel Me as it was in book one. I actually (seriously) had a headache by the time this book finally ended from rolling my eyes so much at the idiotic metaphors and descriptions. I counted at least 7 uses of the phrase "small smile" in this book and those were just the ones I paid enough attention to make note of. Of course I wouldn't leave you without a sampling of my favorite quotes from this book!

"Panic is doing backflips in my bones."

"My emotions jump out of a plane."

"He says it like it's a lit cigarette lodged in his throat."

"I am the incarnation of air."

Seriously, if it wasn't for all the ridiculous metaphors this book would be at least 100 pages shorter.

In case you hadn't guessed, I hated this book. I try not to hate many books because I understand how hard authors work to create them, but this one had not one redeeming quality. The writing was painful, I was screaming for characters to hurry up and die by the end, and the world building is non-existent. I am aware that a lot of people adore this series, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Book Review: Reawakened by Colleen Houck

Title: Reawakened
Author: Colleen Houck
Publication Date: August 11, 2015
Publisher: Delacorte Press
Pages: 400
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When seventeen-year-old Lilliana Young enters the Metropolitan Museum of Art one morning during spring break, the last thing she expects to find is a live Egyptian prince with godlike powers, who has been reawakened after a thousand years of mummification.

And she really can't imagine being chosen to aid him in an epic quest that will lead them across the globe to find his brothers and complete a grand ceremony that will save mankind.

But fate has taken hold of Lily, and she, along with her sun prince, Amon, must travel to the Valley of the Kings, raise his brothers, and stop an evil, shape-shifting god named Seth from taking over the world.

From New York Times bestselling author Colleen Houck comes an epic adventure about two star-crossed teens who must battle mythical forces and ancient curses on a journey with more twists and turns than the Nile itself.

I LOVE Ancient Egyptian mythology. In fact, I love all mythology. I'm a classics minor. But Egyptian mythology was my first love. I started studying it on my own in middle school and still enjoy reading Egyptian myths today. So when I found out about Reawakened I was ecstatic! I'd never read anything by Colleen Houck, but I've heard a lot of praise for her Tiger's Curse series. I knew I'd have to read this one as soon as I could get my hands on a copy, and that's what I did. Unfortunately...

Welcome to my first one star review of the year! I'm going to be honest. I was totally shocked I didn't like this book. I went into it expecting to completely love it because everyone I know has loved it! In reality it was painful to read. It took me five days to get 263 pages in. Five agonizingly slow days in which I had to literally force myself to read this while gazing longingly at Harry Potter. After that I admitted defeat and skimmed the rest.

I like action. I like adventure. I like romance. I like mythology. So what did I not like about this book? Well, for starters I didn't like the characters. Lily is a privileged rich girl from New York City who complains about the box she's confined to. She complains about how she got into every college and now has to pick one (the horror!), complains about her big fancy house (the agony!), and basically just complains about everything. I can't stand it, guys. I can't handle filthy rich characters who complain about their privilege. Then we have Amon. I get it, he's old and has godlike powers and he's really, REALLY gorgeous.

The romance between these two is Stockholme Syndrome at its finest and made zero sense to me. They knew each other for all of five minutes before Lily was whining to herself about how Amon wouldn't kiss her (while also reminding us that she does not suffer from lack of confidence). All of this while she laments the way he uses his god powers to control her will. Um... yeah, so there's that. Literally the entire book is them darting from location to location while Lily whines about how Amon won't kiss her. Never mind that he's trying to save the world and all.

Which brings me to the "action." I think the problem is I can't stand the writing style. It's basically, "We went to this place and there was lots of sand and then a bad guy came and then we beat it and then I felt sick and then Amon wouldn't kiss me and then we went to another place and..." You get the idea. The best way I can think to describe it is that the author inserted YA plot points in a middle grade book. The world building also left a lot to be desired because it is basically what I've just laid out. I didn't feel like I was actually in any of the locations described. There was a lot of telling and not a lot of showing, if that makes sense.

Not only that, but my god, the info dumps. I really love mythology retellings. I do. But this one was like a mythology textbook (in serious need of fact checking) and a YA romance met and had a baby. The stories about the gods and goddesses could have been fun, but it they way it was done ripped me out of the story every single time.

I could really go on and on about the issues I had with this book. The cover was gorgeous and the premise was fantastic and I would love to read this idea written in a better way. A lot of the mythology was off and the Big Bad was predictable and ridiculous. The romance was unbelievable and the ending made me roll my eyes so hard I got a headache. I've read that the writing in this book is actually a step up from The Tiger's Curse Saga (although the story is apparently a near-carbon copy), which is really sad because I have that one on my shelf, but now I doubt I'll read it. I really couldn't recommend this to anyone, but I know that I'm in the minority on this one!

Mini Reviews: Once by Anna Carey & Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire

Title: Once (Eve #2)
Author: Anna Carey
Publication Date: July 3, 2012
Publisher: Harper Collins
Pages: 354
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Review for 1

When you're being hunted, who can you trust?

For the first time since she escaped from her school many months ago, Eve can sleep soundly. She's living in Califia, a haven for women, protected from the terrifying fate that awaits orphaned girls in The New America.

But her safety came at a price: She was forced to abandon Caleb, the boy she loves, wounded and alone at the city gates. When Eve gets word that Caleb is in trouble, she sets out into the wild again to rescue him, only to be captured and brought to the City of Sand, the capital of The New America.

Trapped inside the City walls, Eve uncovers a shocking secret about her past--and is forced to confront the harsh reality of her future. When she discovers Caleb is alive, Eve attempts to flee her prison so they can be together--but the consequences could be deadly. She must make a desperate choice to save the ones she loves . . . or risk losing Caleb forever.

In this breathless sequel to "Eve," Anna Carey returns to her tale of romance, adventure, and sacrifice in a world that is both wonderfully strange and chillingly familiar. 

After finishing Eve, I was dying to jump right into Once to see where the story went next! This one started right where Eve left off. The book follows Eve's life in the City of Sand with her father, the king. We learn the things that are expected of her and also get to see what is going on with Caleb.

The romance between the main characters continues to progress throughout the book, but I can't help but feel like there's no real progression of the characters themselves. Many of the problems they encounter happen because of their own easily avoidable mistakes. The king is the obvious bad guy and the only sympathetic character is Charles.

Much of the book is spent watching Eve and Caleb plot to escape the city, so the tension was definitely there. I just felt like it needed... more. Maybe it could've used more reality too.

While I didn't end up loving it as much as the first book in the series, it was still a worthwhile read and I still plan to pick up the third one soon.

---

Title: Beautiful Disaster (Beautiful #1)

Author: Jamie McGuire

Publication Date: May 26, 2011
Publisher: Atria Books
Pages: 319
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INTENSE. DANGEROUS. ADDICTIVE.

Abby Abernathy is a good girl. She doesn’t drink or swear, and she has the appropriate number of cardigans in her wardrobe. Abby believes she has enough distance from the darkness of her past, but when she arrives at college with her best friend, her path to a new beginning is quickly challenged by Eastern University’s Walking One-Night Stand.

Travis Maddox, lean, cut, and covered in tattoos, is exactly what Abby wants—and needs—to avoid. He spends his nights winning money in a floating fight ring, and his days as the ultimate college campus charmer. Intrigued by Abby’s resistance to his appeal, Travis tricks her into his daily life with a simple bet. If he loses, he must remain abstinent for a month. If Abby loses, she must live in Travis’s apartment for the same amount of time. Either way, Travis has no idea that he has met his match.

This book... I really wanted to love it. I loved the synopsis and the cover. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be.

The first half of Beautiful Disaster was tolerable, but then I got to part two. I found myself cringing every time Travis spoke. Seriously, no one in real life says the name of the person they're speaking to after every single sentence. In fact, nothing about Travis is okay. Going around beating the hell out of everyone who looks at a girl you aren't even dating yet is NOT normal. And attempting to control the people she hangs out with, the clothes she wears, the places she goes... None of this is normal.

The relationship between the two main characters is completely dysfunctional and bipolar. Seriously, who loses her virginity to someone just so he'll leave her alone? If some guy got my name tattooed on his wrist immediately after we got back together, I'd be out the door. Furthermore, there is no way a normal woman would get back together with her psycho ex-boyfriend and five minutes later book a trip to Vegas to get married. Basically, this book is a mess. I am seriously hoping no YA readers pick this up and think this relationship is normal or romantic.

By the way, someone who never trains would not be able to take out two guys in the mob. This book is ridiculous.

Book Review: A.I. Apocalypse by William Hertling

Title: A.I. Apocalypse (Singularity #2)
Author: William Hertling
Publication Date: May 24, 2012
Publisher: Liquididea Press
Pages: 262
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Leon Tsarev is a high school student set on getting into a great college program, until his uncle, a member of the Russian mob, coerces him into developing a new computer virus for the mob’s botnet - the slave army of computers they used to commit digital crimes.

The evolutionary virus Leon creates, based on biological principles, is successful -- too successful. All the world’s computers are infected. Everything from cars to payment systems and, of course, computers and smart phones stop functioning, and with them go essential functions including emergency services, transportation, and the food supply. Billions may die.

But evolution never stops. The virus continues to evolve, developing intelligence, communication, and finally an entire civilization. Some may be friendly to humans, but others are not.

Leon and his companions must race against time and the military to find a way to either befriend or eliminate the virus race and restore the world’s computer infrastructure.

I bought A.I. Apocalypse on Amazon when it was either free or $0.99. The premise sounded interesting and, while Sci-Fi is not at the top of my reading list, I've found the possibility of an Artificial Intelligence takeover interesting since Philosophy 101. Unfortunately, this book missed the mark for me.

The first couple of chapters really had me hooked. Leon seemed to be a legitimately interesting character and his run-in with the Russian mob had me on the edge of my seat! His friends were equally interesting and even Mike and ELOPe drew me in briefly. Once the virus was actually released, however, the story quickly went downhill.

There are several issues with A.I. Apocalypse. The first and most blatant is the gross overuse of technical jargon. Sure, it's a book about a computer virus, but surely there is a way to write for the average reader. I know a little about computers and I was able to follow the geek speak for the most part, but it was so dry that it was completely lost on me. I found myself skipping paragraphs first and by the end I was skipping full pages. Not only was there a lot of technical language, but it was extremely repetitive. There was more than once instance of a situation being explained multiple times to different people. If a situation is so complicated that it needs to be explained twice for the reader to understand, perhaps it should be simplified. Had the technical jargon been simplified and condensed this book could have been better.

Not only was this book far too technical for the average reader (in my opinion), but the author doesn't seem to have thought the tech of the future through completely. For example, the setting is decades into the future where simple robots and drones carry out mundane tasks and buildings are on lockdown with super fancy security systems. Meanwhile, people still communicate via email on their phones, video games are played on phones (isn't virtual reality already a thing?), and the backdoor of a fancy museum is susceptible to the breaking and entering efforts of 17 year old kid. There are also several references to current pop-culture that just don't seem to fit - WALL-E, for example.

Finally, the ending of A.I. Apocalypse was far too tidy and, frankly, completely unbelievable. As a prior military member, I cannot believe that the federal government would handle Leon in the way this book suggests. I believe anyone reading just the summary could guess at a more believable outcome. I was teetering between one and two stars before I read the last chapter, but I just can't with that ending. I hate giving negative reviews and I'm almost embarrassed to post two in two weeks, but this book just did not do it for me. I was in no way invested in the characters and finishing was a struggle.

I, Robot did it better.

Audiobook Review: Feed by Mira Grant

Title: FEED (Newsflesh #1)

Author: Mira Grant

Publication Date: May 1, 2010
Publisher: Orbit
Pages: 571
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The year was 2014. We had cured cancer. We had beaten the common cold. But in doing so we created something new, something terrible that no one could stop.

The infection spread, virus blocks taking over bodies and minds with one, unstoppable command: FEED. Now, twenty years after the Rising, bloggers Georgia and Shaun Mason are on the trail of the biggest story of their lives - the dark conspiracy behind the infected.

The truth will get out, even if it kills them.

I was very underwhelmed by this book. For starters, it is marketed as a zombie book, when in fact, it's a political conspiracy book with some zombies thrown in. It was entirely not what I was expecting.

The writing in this book was painful at times, and extremely repetitive. The world building is force fed to the reader via Georgia rather than shown through events. I will say that the zombie concept that Grant has come up with seems entirely original and was interesting. But I will also say that again, we are force fed the zombie virus situation throughout the book. It seemed like every five minutes I was hearing about a blood test, which model it was, where the needles stuck, and about the blinking lights that finally settled on green. I get it! I got it after the first few pages, actually.

Another repetitive aspect that drove me crazy was Georgia's health issue - Retinal Kellis-Amberlee. Basically, the zombie virus concentrated in her eyes. We constantly hear about her sunglasses, how her eyes hurt in the light, her migraines, contacts, and how every time she enters a building she runs into problems with security. Once again, I got it after the first few times.

The characters in general just weren't very likeable to me. Georgia seemed kind of arrogant and goes out of her way NOT to fit in with everyone else. She constantly talks about her desire to tell the Truth (yes, with a "T") and nothing but the Truth. Though she associates herself with the "newsies" (a branch of bloggers who report only facts without opinion), every blog post we hear from her is nothing but opinion, even going so far as to state which candidate should win the presidential election.

Shaun just seemed like an idiot. If I had to hear about him "poking things with sticks" one more time, I was at risk of giving up altogether. But I pushed through. Shaun is what is called an Irwin - a blogger who goes out into dangerous areas to get footage of himself doing stupid things. Oh, and Irwins are named after Steve Irwin (there was even something about a Steve-o award), as if people in 2040 will remember who Steve Irwin was.

Buffy was another idiot, just for different reasons. I'm not really sure why they don't have books (Kindle, maybe?) in the year 2040, when they have earring cameras and hotels with private elevators, but for whatever reason, they rely on fictionals (bloggers who write fiction, shockingly) to get their fix. Buffy seems to whine and complain a lot throughout the book and is the ultimate demise of everyone.

I didn't love any of them. I actually thought they were all maybe 18 years old, only to find out from reviews that they were actually around 24. They were completely juvenile, unrealistically so. No one in real life makes a (supposedly) witty comment at the end of every sentence. And no one would call their brother an idiot when she thought he was about to die.

Speaking of brother/sister relationships, this one was a little weird. I love my brother and all, but I don't share a bed with him and I can stand to be away from him for more than five minutes. I've also never let my love for my brother interfere with my dating experience.

My last unfortunate comment is that I have never before read a book and not cared at all when a character died. I did not care in the least when characters in this book died. I think that fact alone speaks volumes about this book. 

Notes on the Audiobook

Audiobook narration is extremely hit or miss, and this one was a definite miss. Paula Christensen's voice was annoying, her voice rising at the end of each sentence, almost like a sports announcer. Jesse Bernstein's voice wasn't nearly as bad, but BOTH need to work on their British accents. I have never been to England, but I've had English friends and I watch TV - I could have done a better job. Paula's accent sounded like a strange combo of Australian and British, and Jesse's sounded like Samoan mixed with British and American. Both were really weird.